all star real-time blog

8:43
Game still hasn't started yet. Maybe Fox could extend this pregame a bit more? I'm sad its coming to a close already. Who had -8 for the time in minutes after the first pitch til Buck or McCarver said something stupid? "Before last year no one knew who Hank Blalock was." Yeah, because he was such a noname, nochance prospect. Also, not enough Yankees on this team. Jebus.

8:45
Clemens taking warm up tosses. OHMYGAWD I wonder if he and Piazza are gonna set things straight with a little snoodling? Nothing like a snoodle to put a lame story to bed, once and for all.

8:46
No snoodle yet.

8:50
Clemens registers an out, and part of me is sad. The rest of me doesn't care. Despite the fact that this time it counts.

8:51
Manny, I love you. 3-0 AL, top of the first. Whats with A-Rod's white sneakers? Maybe Sully's shirts are right: Gayrod indeed.

8:56
Sweet play by Kent. Flashing the leather, Todd Walker style, and showing the range of a Range Rover with a quarter tank of gas.

8:59
Oh good lord, Soriano with the jack. Did you guys know that McCarver believes sliders go farther than any other pitch? Maybe its because of all the backspin that Joe Morgan was emphasizing last night during the Home Run Derby. Why is Danny Kolb warming up? Oh, I forgot, because it counts. In the meantime, as Fox went to commerical the dream team of announcers talked over that retarded animated baseball. This is the only time you'll ever hear me say this:
wait for it...kudos buckcarver.

9:04
Mulder in the house - Ilove this guy. If he were on my fantasy team, I'd have a huge mancrush on him. Of course, I was too busy picking real performers like Bret Boone and Angel Berroa. Oh, the horror.

9:08
What the hell was that route Vlad took on Sosa's fly to left? Looked like Mossad counterintelligence tactics of some sort. That, or the hokey pokey. Hmmm...

9:12
Catwoman may be the worst comic book movie, ever. I'm not kidding - somewhere John Leguizamo is curled up in a corner with his binkie, wondering aloud to his maker how someone could produce a movie worse than Spawn.

9:15
Whoever had 30 minutes as the amount of time it'd take me to lose interest in the game, drop a line at youllgetnothingandlikeit@stump832.freeservers.com for your prize.

9:27
12 minutes since the last time I had something interesting to say. Of course, its debatable whether its 12 minutes or 27 years. Two easy innings for mancrush-of-2005-fantasy-team Mark Mulder.

9:30
F Scooter. Seriously.

9:39
I have no idea what happened in the last 9 minutes.

9:44
Obviously Bonds should be walked with 2 outs and no one on in the 3rd inning because....(say it with me now)....this time it counts. I'd love to see Loaiza get lit up here, mostly because I think the guy's a fraud. Hes a fraud on par with that chick from south of Boston who faked having cancer to raise money for herself. Seriously, he is that bad.

9:54
McCarver-"In the history of baseball, not one significant thing has ever been said between a first baseman and the runner on first." Folks, this isn't just some dude making that statement. This is the king of insignificant statements - its like Einstein saying that some physicist was pretty smart. Think about that for a moment.

9:56
Ortizzle draws the walk. I like it. White shoes up at the plate again. Big Poppa chugging home from first. Get the boy some O2.

10:06
Apparently CC jr is 27" long and weighs 27 lbs at the age of 10 months?! Good lord. Anyone think CC has seen this? That said, CC is a nasty pitche. Great ability to change speeds, nice hook. If he can keep a smooth delivery and avoid injury, I think hes got a great career ahead of him.

10:12
You guys know that 2 out rallies are the most difficult type of rally? Same here. Since it counts this time, it makes it even tougher. CC is getting bushwacked. Get the boy an Angus burger and a shake, stat.

10:14
Whats the story with a video tribute to Roger Clemens? I have a real problem with tributes to dudes who don't have enough respect for themselves or the fans of baseball to make their retirement final.

10:17
Roger would be remissed about something. I have no idea about what, but the grammar nazi in me couldn't resist. ps....no snoodling during the tribute.

10:26
I've officially lost all interest in this game. Why are the starters still playing? Oh wait, thats right....because this time it... Nevermind. I'm done.

10:37
I'm back, because I have nothing better to do. I get confused between Craig Wilson and Jack Wilson. Craig just made his first all star appearance, and I got confused cause I didn't see that big moptop hanging out from under his lid. For awhile, before I saw a picture of those guys, I had no idea they weren't the same person. I can't wait until Fox goes high-def so I can see each individual pockmark on Kevin Kennedy's ugly mug.

10:40
I think McCarver just lost it in his shorts after that montage of Jeter "clutch" performances. To be honest, that catch he made against the Sox was completely pedestrian. The catch itself was a can of corn. The dive into the seats was ridiculous, and poorly executed - he hit that old bag in the second row in the middle of her stumps and she barely moved. Come on.

10:42
Ortizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

10:46
Now I'm officially done. All in all, a good night for a Sox fan. Clemens got shelled, Sox hit 2 bombs and 4 rbis. Did you guys know that Ted Lilly has late movement on his ball? I like it early and often on mine. Ba dum dum.